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  • 敢於不同 - Dare to Change

Angel Colon

更新日期:2019年1月15日




我尋求性別轉變之前的人生,我稱之為「一團糟」。孤獨、空虛、鬱悶、被捆綁和沒人愛......,是我八年之久 的感受。越是不快樂,情況越糟糕。人生被同性戀、毒品和酒精消耗如此之多,以至於我無暇顧及家人。由於從小 成長在一個信仰堅固的基督教家庭裡,在我所了解的美好正直與我真正的生活之間,是一股巨大的衝突。


2016 年 6 月 11 日,我從徹夜酗酒和吸毒中醒來時難受至極。那天晚上,朋友們去了奧蘭多的脈動(Pulse) 夜店。凌晨 2:02,一切都改變了。與朋友說完再見後,我們突然聽到巨大的聲響!我馬上丟掉酒瓶,意識到那是 槍聲。在逃跑地過程中,我幾次被子彈射到,我拉著朋友們趴下。當我掙扎著想要站起來時,我感到一隻腳踏在我 左腿上,啪的一聲,我左股骨斷裂,無法移動,甚至感覺不到腿的存在,只能抱著頭趴在原地。接下來周圍變得一 片混亂。

我開始安慰躺在身邊的女士,輕聲告訴她裝死。突然間,在我看著她的同時,聽到一聲刺耳的槍響──她閉上 了眼睛,我不敢相信我竟然目睹了她的死亡。當下的我開始感到非常恐懼,深怕我就是下一個。此時,我感覺槍手 就站在身後,於是我做了一個也許是人生中最後一次的禱告。即使在那個可怕的時刻,神的平安盼望卻在此時臨到 了我。我聽到一聲巨大的槍響,感到自己的身體彈了一下。我以為我死了。幾分鐘後,我開始聽到警察對講機的聲 音。我立刻舉起手來大聲喊著:「救命!我還活著!」

在脈動(Pulse)慘案之前的一段時間裡,我已經想要尋求改變了。我想念自己的信仰,想念真正平安與快樂 的感受。我禱告神透過某些事情來改變我的生命。在我的身體恢復後,牧師們的支持成為我很大的幫助。我發現我 可以與他們不被論斷、不被拒絕地談論任何事。他們贏得我的信任,更幫助我恢復了人生與信仰。


我的身心仍然在恢復的狀態中,但我很感恩今天能與大家分享這段過程。今天,我的人生與過去有了截然不同 的轉變,雖然裡面的空虛孤獨曾一點一滴地摧毀我。但是,現在我可以說:我知道什麼是真正的幸福,什麼是真正 的愛!最重要的是,什麼是真正的平安!因為,我可以每天早晨醒來時,說:「有神同在,我一切都好!」 我的身心仍然在恢復的狀態中,但我很感恩今天能與大家分享這段過程。今天,我的人生與過去有了截然不同 的轉變,雖然裡面的空虛孤獨曾一點一滴地摧毀我。但是,現在我可以說:我知道什麼是真正的幸福,什麼是真正 的愛!最重要的是,什麼是真正的平安!因為,我可以每天早晨醒來時,說:「有神同在,我一切都好!」


My Life before I pursued change in my sexuality was what I would call it “A Hot Mess”.

Lonely, empty, unhappy, shackled, and unloved were the ways I felt for eight years. The

more unhappy I was, the worse it got. My life was so consumed by homosexuality, drugs

and liquor that I wouldn’t give the time of day to my family. Having been raised in a strong

Christian home, I felt a deep conflict between what I had know to be good and right, and

the life I was living.


I woke up hungover on June 11th, 2016 after night of drinking and drug use. That evening

my friends went to Pulse, a club in Orlando. 2:02 am is when everything changed. Saying

our goodbyes, we heard a big POP! I dropped my drink realizing the sounds were gunshots.

As we ran, I was shot me several times. I fell down pulling my friends with me. As I was

struggling to stand back up, I felt a foot step behind my left leg and heard a loud snap

which resulted in my left femur being broken. I couldn’t move or even feel my legs, so I

covered my head and stayed still. What followed was chaos all around me. I started

comforting the lady lying next to me, whispering to her to pretend to be dead. I looked at

her and heard a loud shot. As her eyes shut, I couldn’t believe I just witnessed her death. I

was terrified I was next. Feeling the shooter behind me, I uttered what I thought would be

my last prayer. Even in that terrible moment, the peace and hope of God flooded me. I

heard a loud shot and felt my body jump up and down. I thought I was dead. After several

minutes, I started hearing cop radios. I raised my hands calling out; “Please come get me!’’

“I’m Alive!’’


I had been wanting to pursue change for quite some time before the tragedy at Pulse

happened. I missed my faith, and I missed feeling true peace and happiness. I had started

praying for God to do something to change my life. As I recovered, the support of my

pastors became a huge help. I found that I could talk to them about anything without

judgement or rejection, and so they earned my trust and helped me recover my life and

faith.


I’m still recovering but very grateful I am here today. My life today is a complete 180 from

the life I had before. Feeling empty and lonely inside was slowly destroying me, but I can

now say I know what true happiness is, what true love is, and most importantly what true

peace is. I can now wake up every morning and say “I AM GOOD WITH GOD!”

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© 2018 敢於不同國際聯盟 - Dare to Change Global Alliance

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